My CEREAL Review

Crispix...

is hands down the BEST (non-sugary) CEREAL EVER.

I eat it everytime I'm hungry but don't want to snack on chips and fatty shit like that, especially late at night. It's so crispy, with the subtlest flavor of brown sugar coating its corn on one side, rice on the other goodness.

The BEST NON-CRISPIX cereals ever:

1. Lucky Charms - If you know how to eat this cereal, I know all of you collect the "marshmallows" till the end, if they can even be called that. The awesomeness of the marshmallows seriously overtakes everything else about the cereal, including its mediocre oat(?) chunks. In fact, you don't mind the regular chunks' mediocrity because with every bite of oat chunk thingy it's only a sign of good news (the marshmallows) to come. It's a lot like life, you gotta go thru all the bullshit to get to the goood stuff.

2. Chocolate Lucky Charms - Everything mentioned above, except the oat flakes(?) are CHOCOLATEY! yaay. And DON'T get the generic kind of chocolate Lucky Charms, my roommate warns me. And thus I warn you too.

3. Cocoa Puffs - These are the shit, they're so crispy in a light and flooffy way, they get all over your teeth but I really don't care, the flavors are way too delightful. And they always make the best chocolate milk at the end. Not TOO damn sugary but not too weak.

4. Fruit Loops - I never want to actually pay money to buy these cuz they don't look that good, but every time they end up in my mouth I fall in love, wondering why I don't eat these more often. Repeat cycle.

5. Honey Nut Cheerios - After eating a box of these sans milk, my tongue always feels funny. But it's so good, without feeling like you're just consuming straight up spoonfuls of sugar. I can't think of many good reasons why I love this cereal, but I do have a deep connection with this cereal just cuz I loved it so much as a kid.

6. Autumn Wheat - pretty good.

The WORST cereals ever:

1. Grape Nuts - First of all this shit sounds gross. They literally look like grape nuts if grapes had nuts. So basically it looks like grape seeds, I forget how it tastes cuz it's been like 12 years since I've last tasted it. Repelled me for that long.

2. Frosted Flakes - Without milk this shit can chip all my teeth. It's ok to eat, but when you drink the milk at the end it tastes like it has 5:1 milk to sugar ratio... gross. And the milk turns into a nice GREY color. Gross again.